Oldest daughter = Third parent. The story of the oldest of 4 girls.

I am the oldest of 4 daughters and I can confidently say that I tend to act like the third parent. There is over a 10 year age gap between myself and my youngest sister and I basically feel as if raised her because my mother was always ill when we were growing up (another blogpost to come on that topic). I also tend to shield my younger sisters from anything that I think might affect their mental health or anything that might have an impact on them when they get older (seeing my mother unwell being one of these things). Responsibility lies heavy. Is it bad to say that moving out for university was the best thing for my mental health because I didn't have the pressure of family? Well, that's the truth. You might think "how bad can it be when you have both parents and siblings to share responsibilities?". Honestly, I feel as though I have the world's repsonsibility on my shoulders and I am so scared of being a disappointment and burdening my sisters with more than they can handle. I will take on more responsibility than I can handle if it means that my sisters can have a normal childhood, one that's free of worries. That is all I need in life - my sisters to grow up and become successful women without their childhood holding them back. Now that I have graduated and moved back home, I have had an uneasy feeling in my gut for a while. What does this mean? Well, I think it means that I'm just waiting for the next family drama and the next time my mother gets sick. Why? Because I'll have to make sure that my sisters don't get worried and think everyone hates them or that they don't get worried about our mother. This has been just a small insight into my life as the oldest daughter of a very dramatic family. Seeing as you are my online therapist, what does this all mean?